January 2010
My heroine
It bubbles up
About to break
The surface of
skin.
Help it out
Dig deeper
You don’t shout
Why fear the reaper?
Nobody can make it stop now;
Nobody who could
ever would.
They spit the same manufactured shit:
You’ve come so far
Giving up is for quitters
Don’t be selfish
Things will get better
It just takes time
Don’t choose a permanent decision for a temporary...
We're two spinnin' spheres; We spin together and...
I don’t know what’s going on inside him. Rather, I do; I just don’t know how to help.
He just won’t muster up the effort to push through and do what he needs to do in order to get what he wants. He puts the responsibilty on himself for a split second, then quickly moves it to others. This breeds hopeless/helplessness…And there’s nothing I can do. I just want to...
I love you.
Choking on your vomited, unfulfilled promises.
Or maybe just the one.
Cough it up
Spit it out
Watch me bleed
Make me shout
Tear out my hair
Extracting teeth
All of this
Just to hear.me.scream.
You were the one, but I can't spit it out..
What do I want?
You.
But who are you?
His head was a city of paper buildings
“He was always distracted
By the very mention
Of an open door
Cuz he had sworn
Not to have been what he’d been before
To be a remain-remain-remainder.”
I’m falling back into the same patterns as I was so trapped in and grew to look back upon with such loathe… I swore to myself I’d never be back here…
Well, they do say, “Never say...
“Who would condescend to strike down the mere things that he does not fear? Who...”
– Syme, from The Man Who Was Thursday by G.K. Chesterton
I am
Like a trapped butterfly Though far less beautiful or delicate Though still fragile Fluttering against the glass that entraps me This glass is time This glass is rhyme This glass is yours This glass is mine This is my self This is my lie This is this need This is my cry
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
Respiration
Should be easy, shouldn’t it?
Inhale.
Exhale.
But I can’t stop this fucking screaming
And my body won’t stop bleeding
It leaks out everywhere, reminding me I’m a thief
I steal time I haven’t earned
I steal hearts I don’t deserve
I steal paper just to burn
Paper courtesy, paper fuel to my fire
Stop.
Inhale.
Exhale.
I can’t
I...
Now I lay me down not to sleep.
Gotta love exploring new music in Geometry class. I’m a naughty girl..
So, hey, what the fuck is wrong with humanity? Guess people’ve been wondering that for awhile now, yeah?
The human being whose sperm biologically played a role in the birth of my beautiful Lucas, who then walked out of his life, has decided to initiate contact again.
He doesn’t need the stress right now....
Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you.
It’s completely amazing to me how I can be having a fucking horrible day/morning/afternoon/night, and feel like there’s no purpose and no hope and everything hurting.. Then I can be with Lucas, and I will be on top of the motherfucking world. I mean, I wanted to believe that’s what I had with Tyler. I wanted so badly to have that kind of love with...
I'm watching Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog
Someone called me on Luke’s phone last night (Not sure who)
He told me he was gonna remake Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, and that he thought I’d be perfect to play Penney. Asked if I could sing in front of people. XD
I’m considering it. Might be fun. Adrenaline rush, yeh.
Things with Luke are pretty great. I can be having the shittiest day, and being with him makes me...
Oh, These Walls Know Everything
Too bad I don’t know.
I know nothing
I learn nothing
Logic says believe nothing.
But I know I love you.
I believe.
But what else?
What else do I have?
Why isn’t love enough for me?
Am I so depraved, so unlike what I should be
That the very thing that gave me life for so long
My favourite drug
I have built a resistance to?
When the fuck did that happen?
How do I reverse...
“We don’t believe the words we speak; we just like the way they sound..”
Re:Do you live your life, or do you survive it?
dietdrpepperismylove:
Definitions from Merriam Webster Dictionary:
Life - Spiritual existence transcending physical death
Living - having life
Surviving- to remain alive or in existence : to live on
“Every man dies - not every man really lives.” - William Ross Wallace
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is...
I am in class right now.
Wow, I’m a badass. Bloggin in class, oo!
I had a major panic attack last night. I think it was the worst I’ve ever had. I wanted to chew&spit, but my mom wouldn’t leave me alone and then she made me go to bed.. I was crying and shaking and whimpering like a pathetic piece of shit, but I managed not to harm myself. I didn’t even bite myself like I normally would, or...
Late night phone conversations.
Between the continuous text conversation
Aimless walking
Un-awkward silences
Deep discussions
I fell for you.
Now, we have all-night-phone conversations
We can just sit together
We still have comfortable silences, but I talk to you more than I did
I trust you.
You trust me.
I’m lost, but your hand is there for me to hold in the dark.
Just hold me tight
Maybe someday I’ll be...
I waved, but you just looked away.
You tried to feed me today.
I wouldn’t let you.
You said you were stubborn.
I told you I was more so.
You refuse to kiss me.
You said you won’t until I “stop this stupid shit”.
I love you.
You say people who love each other don’t do this.
I cried.
You kissed my hand and said you knew that I love you, but you just don’t understand. You asked me why.
I...
“For many people, an excuse is better than an achievement, because an...”
– Eric Hoffer
She's not coming back from this trip..
Her eyes full of pain and shattered hope
Her fingers damaged and scarred
The scars that match the wrists
That match the soft inner flesh of thigh
That match the even softer flesh of heart.
She’s gripping so hard
She’s holding on
She’s been here for years.
But these scarred fingers are slipping
These shaky hands are turning cold.
The heartbeat is slowing
The end is...
Here we go again
I start school tomorrow.
Today was my last day of eating for at least two months.
I hope I am a good girl.
I am determined to do it. I won’t eat until I’m double digits again, or at most 100 lbs.
I’m disgusting right now. I binged all day. I figured it doesn’t matter, being my last day.
Today, a lady in the nursing home my step grandmother is in complimented my piano...
I was born blind.
I’m writing to you.
I miss the joining of our breath
The mixing of your scent and mine
The easy-coming tangle of us.
You.
And me.
Simple.
Yet it’s so complicated, isn’t it?
I, the damsel in distress
You are no shining knight
You are my shining night
I am no princess
And I will not accept rescue
Even if you were able to give it.
I am in distress,
But there is...